one_wolf | Open Post

one_wolf

Which is what this is....

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From:

laverne_defazio

She's glad he didn't say anything about her ogling. She forgot who he was for a moment and was just admiring a nice tushy. She now manages to joke, "You're not gonna put shaving cream in the mashed potatoes, are ya?" But she's not sure if that's actually a joke. The boys' food tastes are, well, original. Shirley thinks Laverne has a garbage gut, but Lenny and Squiggy really can eat just about anything.

From:

one_wolf

"Laverne!" he tisks. "Everybody knows you put shaving cream on your face. You put Cheeze Wizz on the waffles!"

He may or may not be kidding.

They make it to the frozen food aisle, and Lenny grabs some TV dinners and ice cream. He knows Laverne will do the same before they start grabbing more packaged foods.

From:

laverne_defazio

Lenny is just grabbing food impulsively, and Laverne wishes she could do the same. But she's got the list that Shirley carefully prepared, so she has to follow that. Well, she slips in some ice cream sandwiches that Shirl didn't think of.

"Oh, Shirley wants a bunch of vegetables. We should hit that aisle."

From:

one_wolf

He's got a little kid's appetite and forethought, which means that his eyes are bigger than his stomach.

"Ooh! I wanna see if I can find a succotash plant!"

He needs to get some artichokes for Squiggy, too.

From:

laverne_defazio

"Uh, Len, Slotnik's has a little bit of everything, but there are limits."

From:

one_wolf

"Aww, what kinda place don't have a succotash plant?!"

He wouldn't know, just like he wouldn't know different vegetables grow in different ways. City boy he is, they all come in cans, right?

Together, they head to the vegetable section, and he watches her shop while hanging casually against the cart.

From:

laverne_defazio

Laverne thinks of how this is taking much longer than with Shirley, because Lenny has a much less methodical mind. But it's kind of fun zigzagging with him, and it's not like she has anything better to do.

She buys both fresh vegetables and canned, since Shirley prefers the first, but the second last longer.

From:

one_wolf

If she wanted organized, she came to the wrong place. He is, in fact, holding two artichokes up to his nose and staring in curiosity at his reflection behind the cucumber bin. He's trying to figure out which is bigger.

From:

laverne_defazio

She cracks, "Thinkin' about a nose job, Len?"

From:

one_wolf

"I'd look pretty silly with an artichoke for a nose!" he holds them up. "Which one's bigger, Laverne?"

From:

laverne_defazio

She doesn't tell him he looks pretty silly anyway. "Uh, the one on the right I guess. But I'll take the other one. Shirl don't care about size, as long as the hearts are good."

From:

one_wolf

All in a day's work, Laverne. "Okay, I'll take these two for Squig, then I'll get Shirley two more." He bags them up but in the process points at some very strange, spikey-looking stuff at the end of the fresh produce bin.

"Laverne. I think they're selling hedgehogs!"

From:

laverne_defazio

She picks one up carefully, looking out for the spikes. She sniffs it. "It smells pretty strong but sweet. What the heck, I'll try one." She tosses it into the basket and punctures the carton of goat's milk.

From:

one_wolf

He shakes his head at her. "You talk about me eating weird stuff!"

They head on down the produce aisle, toward the boxed and canned foods. "Whattya need otherwise? Coco Puffs? Chocolate pudding?" Lenny's already grabbed two jars of Bosco and put them in the cart.

From:

laverne_defazio

She looks down at the cart. "Uh, Len, I think your goat is leakin'."

From:

one_wolf

"Aww geeze." There's some scrambling to get under the other groceries and right the goat's milk before it spills out all over the place - less because he's afraid of making a mess and more because he absolutely doesn't want Squiggy to be mad that he's missing half a jug of goat's milk.

From:

laverne_defazio

She grabs some paper towels to help him, knowing she'll have to pay for these, since this is sort of her fault.

Then Mr. Slotnick himself comes over and asks, "Is there a problem?"

From:

one_wolf

It doesn't help that this requires them being close together and Lenny definitely enjoys being close to Laverne, but now is not the time to sneak feels and peeks.

At the sound of Mr. Slotnick's voice, Lenny straightens up so quickly he nearly bashes his head into the hanging scale near the grapefruits. "Oh no, we were just...kicking the tires before we bought the kumquats!"

From:

laverne_defazio

Laverne cuts in with, "Everything looks so good, it's hard to decide," before Lenny can make Mr. Slotnick more suspicious.

From:

one_wolf

"Yeah!" Lenny enthuses brightly. He shoves the dirty napkins into his back pocket with his lucky handkerchief, where it's unlikely to be noticed as he stands up straighter. "Hey...do you guys have a succotash tree or is it out back because it's shedding?"

From:

laverne_defazio

Mr. Slotnick looks at them suspiciously but then seems to decide that they're too old to be juvenile delinquents. He chuckles and says, "Let me know when you're ready."

Laverne nods and waits until he's out of hearing to quietly tell Lenny, "We probably should wrap it up soon."

From:

one_wolf

They're real adults with jobs and everything! Lenny just keeps smiling and nodding 'til he's gone, then his posture relaxes with a big huff of relief.

"Yeah, I can't think of too much more I need. Whatt've you got left?"

From:

laverne_defazio

She decides to leave the feminine hygiene products for next time. It's not like they're low on 'em right now. "That about covers it for me."

From:

one_wolf

He's just ask her why she and Shirley need airplane stickers.

"Yep, me and Squig don't need anything else - though I think we could get some canned Squid..." He grabs a couple and adds them to the pile. "Okay, we're good to go."

The process of separating everything out will not be fun.

From:

laverne_defazio

They head to the checkout stand. Luckily, there's not much of a line. She hopes they've cleaned up the mess enough, but an alarm goes off when it's their turn.