Post Shopping-Spree Divvying

[one_wolf]

Lenny heads down to the girls' place bright and early -- probably too early for Laverne. All of the fragile stuff is in the girls' place, something Squiggy has long grumbled about. But for once Lenny is headed down to the girls' place alone, with a big bundle of paper bags. He's not sure what's going on at the other end, but he hears something about "lumpy mashed potatoes" before opening the door.

Comments

[laverne_defazio]

"Shirl, we don't need measuring tape. Or measuring cups."

"I just want to be fair."

"It won't break my heart if I don't get as much of the lumpy mashed potatoes."

He's not with Squiggy, so there's no "Hello," just a chipper "Hi, Laverne. Oh, hi, Shirley." He always seems surprised to find someone else in the room, as if she lives alone and Shirley is company, like he is.

"Hi, Leonard. I've got labels for you if you need them."

[one_wolf]

Lenny is possessed with Laverne Tunnel Vision; this is his curse and bane, and he's been living with it since he was a six-year old in puppy love.

"I got a list and a bunch of shopping bags," he says. "You got all your people written down? I wanna make sure we ain't giving doubles to people somehow."

Lenny's writing is um...well, there are too many o's.

[laverne_defazio]

Shirley holds up her own list and takes Lenny's. "I'll go through them." She's always the organized one, sometimes too organized. "Hm, unless there's a Mrs. Koolchek, I think she's a duplicate."

"Oh, I thought Squiggy wrote 'cool chick.' Yeah, you can cross that one out."

Laverne shakes her head and says, "Follow me into the kitchen. We can make more of a mess in there."

"Not too much of a mess!" Shirley warns.

[one_wolf]

Lenny gives Shirley a fond roll of the eyes. Of course she's scared of them being messy and has managed to go into mother hen mode. "We're gonna be fine Shirley."

They settle in the kitchen. "You want a drink or something to eat, Laverne?" To pass the time and fill their bellies while talking about food, natch.

[laverne_defazio]

"Uh, Len, I live here. You don't gotta play host."

Sometimes he tries to take care of her, serve her, and it makes her twitchy, especially at home. Well, except the time he buttered her popcorn, with a knife, kernel by kernel. She didn't even realize until later, when Shirley accidentally sat on the knife, while Laverne was explaining about winning the weekend at the Hotel Pfister. No, Shirley wasn't injured, but she did get butter on the seat of her skirt.

[one_wolf]

"But I want you to have fun!"

Yes, he's whining. And he laughed his butt off when she told him about Shirley's buttered buns. "Okay, but you're gonna wish you had food when you're hungry later."

He sits down across from her at the table. "OK, you wanna start with the cans and stuff? Those're gonna be the heaviest part.

[laverne_defazio]

That's Lenny, sweet one moment, whiny the next, then oddly practical. And that's also Shirley.

"I've got boxes and bags for each of the people you picked up items for," Shirley says, rummaging through cupboards. "And another bag for anything spoiled or crushed."

"Hello," comes a voice from the dumbwaiter.

[one_wolf]

"Squig, you said you was gonna butt out of this!"

Yes, more whining, but them he turns back toward Shirley. "All the stuff that needed to stay cold's on YOU, Shirl, they're in your fridge!"

Lenny's pretty sure some stuff got crushed when he shoved Laverne across the line, but not a lot. He shoots Laverne an apologetic look, because he was hoping to actually hang around with her. They need to get rid of their friends, much as he loves them.

[laverne_defazio]

It's bad enough having Shirley try to run things, but now Squiggy is poking his nose in. Well, she can try to get rid of their friends, much as she loves them.

"Hey, could you two do us a favor and go pick up a pizza? Lookin' at all this food is makin' me hungry."

Lenny looks like he's about to point out that he just offered to get her something to eat, but she shoots him a shushing look.

[one_wolf]

He was about to whine about how she doesn't ever wanna eat his cooking.

"Fine, if it'll shut your cryhole," Squiggy says.


"Really, Laverne? Do you want me to leave you alone with that man?" Shirley cries.

[laverne_defazio]

"If he gets out of line, I'll pelt him with fruit," Laverne jokes.

"Is that a threat or a promise?" Lenny says, then licks his lips.

[one_wolf]

She whines at his one-liner, the way she always does. "Wouldya quit it here?"

Lenny sticks his tongue out at her, and she just nudges him back.

[laverne_defazio]

Shirley looks like she wants to say something meddling, but she instead asks, "What do you want on it?"

[one_wolf]

"Tuna fish and Bosco!" Lenny answers, incredibly unhelpfully.

[laverne_defazio]

Pop will probably rant about that but she'll let Shirley and Squiggy deal with it. "Just pepperoni and anchovies for me," she says.

[one_wolf]

As long as Lenny doesn't have to deal with him; Laverne's Pop is scary even under the best of circumstances.

Shirley sakes her head and retreats from the room with their order.

And then Laverne and Lenny are alone.

At last.

He manages not to say that out loud like a dork.

"So uh - I guess we should start with the cans and stuff?"

[laverne_defazio]

She shrugs. "If you want. Or we could make piles for each person."